HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
