So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Randomize
