my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I licked your asshole in confidence.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
