I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
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