we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
