Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
