people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
