The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
