I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
