i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
