I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
