She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
