i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
