proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
