Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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