she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
