I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
