I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
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