My friends, they love my intelligence
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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