She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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