took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
