Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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