You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
They have beer where we have blood.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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