I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
