hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
