walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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