omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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