that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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