Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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