Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
