Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
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