Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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