My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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