im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
