It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
