There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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