Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
