i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
