A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
