Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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