We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
