I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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