so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
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