I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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