Just fell off a train. Bad.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Randomize
