she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
