ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Randomize
