God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Randomize
