As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
