she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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