I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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