i can't believe i had my finger in that
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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