I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
