i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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