So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
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