I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
