i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
