nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
