Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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